Two Pairs of Underpants

Hey Sassy,

Were you afraid when your body failed? Good health has been a bit stingy lately.  Good health has left the building and didn't leave a note. So far, the 'list of calamity' includes losing Goose’s grandfather and one of his closest friends. Both of which, were sandwiched by the losses of three others. I was sick for almost a month, while Goose endured at least 9 weeks of various colds and viruses. Seriously, Goose and I didn’t share a kiss until February of the New Year. We elbow bumped our first NYE as a married couple.  We almost lost Charlotte Cat and Fat Cat now has an asthma inhaler. Melly had her own health scare, and Papa has been on the mend from a series of health concerns.I even meet my own health insurance deductible this month. Ouch. 

Did you forgive your mortality? The commuter train I take to work broke down over I-85 today. Which really isn't remarkable since inappropriate stops are part of it's "charm". Though this particular break down was at a tilt that resulted in me squeezing my gluts trying not to slide into the tiny older gentlemen next to me. This took enough concentration to make my left eye twitch. Though, if I'm being honest,the twitch might have been from the strain of using my core muscles for the first time since I downloaded that $12.99/month exercise app, I don't use. Right, so here I am squeezing my gluts and using my core hoping to remain in my own plastic seat rather than in the lap of the tiny man to my right. As if involuntary exercise isn't bad enough, this tilt also had me looking straight down to the pavement of a 5 lane interstate during rush hour.

I figure this is what mortality looks like. The discomfort of unfulfilled promises in a public place. 

What was the plan? To live like I am dying implies that there is no tomorrow. But my tomorrow feels just as important as today. Too existential? Fine, lets assume I opt out of saving for my retirement. Instead, I travel the world with a backpack, two pairs of underpants, and that fancy condensed laundry detergent to justify the lack of adequate supplies. Lets assume I also live to be 80 years old. So here I am, 80 years old having somehow managed to live off very little income and have zero accumulated wealth. Lets also assume I inherited arthritis because we need something probable in this hypothetical equation. So, I'm 80, with no wealth and I have limited range of motion in my joints. Then because of the two underpants situation I never found a life partner.I definitely live alone at this point. I'd like to think I traveled South America so children aren't in the picture because Zeka is still a thing. The arthritis, yeah, it keeps me from being able to make adequate meals. So I end up in a state funded nursing home when maybe just a little bit of 'assuming tomorrow would come' savings,  could have hired some good lookin' eye candy to cook a decent meal a couple times a week. 

All I'm saying is I'd really like a farm house sink and 15,000 sq ft in the city. I guess for now that has to be enough. 

     
Miss you always,
-Buck 

Work in Progress

Hey Sassy,

I just wanted to check in…you know say "hi". You're due for some life updates and as your oldest and wisest (by default of age) grandchild, I thought I'd let you know we're fine. At least the type of fine you give to the anonymous door greeter when asked "How are you today?" Grin and bear it, dammit. We're southern through and through. 

On a personal note, I've adopted two cats and a husband which I consider to be accomplishments. While I'm fairly certain you'd enjoy 2 of the aforementioned three, you'd have really loved the wedding.We had the reception at the old polo stables where the guests proceeded to consume 28 litters of bourbon and float several kegs. Pop would have been proud and I find my own opinions to be entirely unapologetic where the party is concerned. 

I'm still learning how to be a wife and I try to be a good daughter. I regularly run out of clean clothes and I have more opinions than I know what to do with. I lost 20 lbs then gained 40 lbs so I threw out the scale because what does it know. I refuse to donate my high school graduation dress because I'm convinced it's still in fashion. All my pants are too big or too small because I don't understand sizing and I sat on my couch during the Women's March because I didn't have anyone to go with. I always forget that it's OK to go alone. I just have no way of knowing if you’d like the women I’ve become.I make the habit of holding peace negotiations with myself. I think I'm just a work in progress. 

I’m sorry I waited so long to write. You must know we miss you.Love you always. 

-Buck